Don't you send me to vm
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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