you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
