WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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