and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
