I met the friendliest cop last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
