So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
