Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
