i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
