He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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