i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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