1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
