Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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