so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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