dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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