Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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