Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
