I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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