Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
