Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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