dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize