The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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