Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
