Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
