wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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