Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
