Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
