they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
