Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
