she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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