Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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