she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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