Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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