seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
