Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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