Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
