i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
