I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
