i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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