shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
