Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
