please come you make the beer taste better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
