Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
