the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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