maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize