A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
