please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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