dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
