I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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