just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
