I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
