Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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