in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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