Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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