that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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