At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
