I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball