i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.