Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
