I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
