I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
