I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
