I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
