Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
