I met the friendliest cop last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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