My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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