She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
