When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.