he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??