we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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