Tell her she can't have a vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We talked him into tasing himself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
